so much needs to be said

Procrastination... hmmmm, that's me! I haven't really put any effort into a serious blog in a while. Alot has been going on, and truthfully the old blog is the last thing on my mind. How ever i found a couple of minutes to chuck a few words down. 

     lately there has only been one thing on my mind, and the people that know me , know exactly whom I'm talking about. Its a great feeling,  crippling however. I have never cared for anyone the way i care now, and I'm terrified ill fuck this up! but when I'm around her its the most uplifting feeling i have ever felt. I actually feel unbeatable. The encouragement i get is amazing... Especially on the things i want to do, there alittle risky financially, but yet she just supports me on everything. Absolutely amazing! 

     She has been gone for a week now to Jamaica, and its weird cause i knew i would miss her, but not like this. I'm not use to sleeping alone anymore, and its the little things i miss ridiculously. A friend asked me where my balls went? hmmm, thanks henk! I know I'm being a drama queen cause she returns in like 32 hours but i guess I'm just dramatic. I'm amazed how big of a number she is did and is doing on me!

I have been working like crazy on her bday present, lucky her going away gave me the space to do it ( though i would much rather her be here). I have been recording music around the clock. One of the songs actually is still not done and i have put 12 hours into it. I want to have a few songs playing in the car when i pick her up at the airport... One of them repeats "look in the closet", so after we get home she will then look in the closet, where she will find a huge painting i painted for her. I have never put so much effort into a relationship but when I'm with her it seems effortless!

This is all redundant cause i tell her all of this on a daily basis but i just don't think she knows how  much i care for her. and i want the world to know...Don't get me wrong I'm far from shy, but I'm usually a pretty private person, especially over the past few years. I have managed to alienate almost every person i know by how i shut everyone out when I'm in my "moods" but for what ever reason, i just want to shout this out to the hole world. 

I don't care what we do, where we do it, as long as I'm with you

Happy BDay Ash